28 Oct
Understanding and Managing Anxiety: A Journey into Your Inner World
Brian Parsley Anxiety

Understanding and Managing Anxiety: A Journey into Your Inner World

Most people don’t know I’ve suffered from panic attacks my entire life. I struggled when I was younger to go to the movies because, “what if I die or get sick?” It’s not rational and doesn’t make sense. But it felt very real for me. We also typically don’t share it openly because it may seem like a weakness, especially in business.

What’s interesting is anxiety impacts all of us differently. It could be that impending doom feeling you get or a racing heart, sweaty palms, mind going a mile a minute. It’s not fun, but here’s the kicker: it’s also not your enemy.

In fact, if we listen to what Dr. Carl Jung had to say, anxiety might just be trying to tell us something important.

Now, I’m not here to get all textbook on you. But Jung, this Swiss psychiatrist with some pretty wild ideas, had a take on anxiety that might just change how you see those nervous feelings.

Jung believed that anxiety wasn’t just some random glitch in our brains. He saw it as a signal from our unconscious mind, trying to get our attention. It’s like your mind’s way of waving a red flag saying, “Hey, pay attention! Something’s out of whack here!”

So, what’s this unconscious mind Jung was so obsessed with? Think of it as the part of your mind that’s working behind the scenes. It’s storing all sorts of memories, feelings, and ideas that you’re not always aware of. And sometimes, when something in your life isn’t sitting right with this deeper part of you, anxiety pops up to let you know.

Here’s why this matters:

  1. It gives anxiety a purpose: It’s not just there to make you miserable. It’s trying to help, in its own clumsy way. I know at the moment it can be terrifying, but stop and think about what it’s really saying to you.
  2. It invites self-reflection: Instead of just trying to get rid of anxiety, we can ask, “What’s this trying to tell me?” This is an extension of my first point. It’s important not to ignore the feeling or run away from it. Really approach it with curiosity instead of dread.
  3. It suggests a different approach: Fighting anxiety often just makes it worse. Understanding it might be the key.
  4. It connects us to our deeper selves: Anxiety might be a path to understanding parts of ourselves we’ve been ignoring.

So, how can we use this perspective to deal with anxiety? Here are some ideas:

  1. Get curious: Next time anxiety hits, try asking, “What’s really going on beneath the surface here? Or “Is there something I should be doing that I am not that’s creating this feeling?” For me, sometimes it’s putting things off to the last possible minute and then feel immense pressure to make it perfect.
  2. Look for patterns: Does your anxiety show up in certain situations? With certain people? There might be a message there. Not trying to hint anything here, but if specific individuals create these feelings, you must unpack that to understand the reason.
  3. Dialogue with your anxiety: Jung was big on this. Try imagining your anxiety as a character and have a conversation with it. Sounds weird, I know, but it can be surprisingly insightful. It’s okay to talk to yourself by the way, everyone does it.
  4. Explore your dreams: Jung believed dreams were messages from the unconscious. Keeping a dream journal might give you clues about what’s causing your anxiety. Have you noticed your dreams are so vivid when you wake up and after a few minutes you forget them? Imagine if you quickly jotted them down each more and then went back to review later.
  5. Consider the shadow: Jung talked about the ‘shadow’ – parts of ourselves we reject or ignore. Could your anxiety be related to these disowned parts? This is the struggle we all deal with. Living our authentic self, but if you’re okay with your flaws as much as your strengths, there is no shadow.
  6. Balance opposites: Jung believed in the importance of balancing different aspects of our personality. Is your anxiety pointing to an imbalance? Really look in the mirror and be honest with yourself. If you know you’re not exercising, but obsessing about your future health. That’s an imbalance and you must have that conversation versus deflecting the feeling.
  7. Seek meaning: Instead of just trying to feel better, ask what your anxiety might be pushing you towards. Could it be growth? Change?

I’m not saying you should throw out your other coping strategies (and by the way, not giving you clinical advice either) so find a professional for help. But I can share what’s helped me over the years. Talking openly about my fears and being okay to look at different perspectives so it might give me a new way to approach anxiety.

Here’s a personal example: I used to get really anxious about public speaking. But when I dug deeper, I realized it was connected to a fear of being judged, which was tied to some old childhood stuff. Understanding that didn’t make the anxiety disappear, but it did make it feel less overwhelming. It became a sign that I was pushing my boundaries, not a sign that something was wrong with me.

I am not sharing this to glorify anxiety or saying it’s always meaningful. Sometimes, anxiety is just our brain’s alarm system going off unnecessarily. But approaching it with curiosity instead of fear can open up new paths to understanding ourselves.

After all, as Jung said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” Maybe anxiety is just your unconscious mind’s awkward way of trying to start a conversation.

21 Oct
Reciprocity: The Secret Sauce in All Your Relationships
Brian Parsley Business, Relationships

Reciprocity: The Secret Sauce in All Your Relationships

Ever wonder why that free sample at the grocery store makes you feel oddly compelled to buy the product? Or why do you feel the need to invite someone to dinner after they’ve had you over? Welcome to the world of reciprocity, folks.

Now it’s not to be confused with “guilt” or “obligation” because those are not great emotions to ever have.

It is however a powerful force in The Human Factor™, and it’s at play in pretty much all our interactions – personal and professional.

When you understand reciprocity it can be a game-changer in how you deal with people, whether it’s your customers, your colleagues, or even your family members.

In theory we all know what it means, simply put, it’s the human tendency to want to give something back when we receive something. It’s that feeling of “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” that’s hardwired into our brains.

Here’s why reciprocity is so powerful:

  1. It builds trust: When we exchange favors or kindnesses, it creates a bond.
  2. It encourages cooperation: People are more likely to help those who’ve helped them.
  3. It creates a positive cycle: One good turn often leads to another, and another…
  4. It makes interactions feel fair and balanced: Nobody likes to feel like they’re always taking and never giving.

Now, you might be thinking, “Okay, but how does this apply to my daily life?” Well, in more ways than you might realize:

In Business:

  • Offering helpful advice or resources to a client before asking for their business. That’s why it’s important to give a referral not ask for one.
  • Providing excellent customer service, which often leads to customer loyalty and referrals. When people feel appreciated and valued they’re more likely to recommend a friend or family member.
  • Sharing knowledge with colleagues, who are then more likely to help you when you need it. The biggest mistake I see in organizations is siloing of information.

In Personal Relationships:

  • Doing a favor for a friend, which often leads to them wanting to return the favor
  • Giving a thoughtful gift, which can strengthen bonds and encourage reciprocal gestures
  • Offering emotional support, which often results in others being there for you when you need it

But here’s the thing: reciprocity isn’t about keeping score or manipulating people. It’s about creating a culture of mutual benefit and goodwill. It’s about being generous without expectation, but also being open to receiving.

So, how can you harness the power of reciprocity in your interactions? Here are some tips:

  1. Give first: Don’t wait for others to make the first move. Be proactive in offering help or kindness. Just because they didn’t recognize what you did or say “thank you” doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it again.
  2. Make it personal: A personalized gesture often has more impact than a generic one. When we have guests at our home, we try to place a family photo in their room.
  3. Be genuine: People can sense when you’re being authentic versus when you’re just trying to get something from them.
  4. Don’t keep score: Reciprocity works best when it’s not treated like a transaction.
  5. Be gracious in receiving: Allow others the pleasure of giving to you as well. This is a tough one for me because I feel the guilt set in. But don’t take away their pleasure.
  6. Follow through: If you promise something, make sure you deliver. My Grandma Parsley used to say, “Your word is your bond.”
  7. Recognize and appreciate: When others do something for you, acknowledge it sincerely.

Remember, reciprocity isn’t about immediate payback. It’s about creating an atmosphere of goodwill that benefits everyone in the long run. It’s like planting seeds – you might not see the results right away, but over time, you’re cultivating a garden of positive relationships.

We live in a world that can sometimes feel transactional and cold, being the person who gives first can not only improve your relationships but also make the world a little bit warmer for everyone.

14 Oct
Decision Fatigue: Why Too Many Choices Are Exhausting Us All
Brian Parsley Business, Decision Making

Decision Fatigue: Why Too Many Choices Are Exhausting Us All

Ever stood in front of the toothpaste aisle, overwhelmed by the number of options? Or spent an hour scrolling through Netflix, unable to decide what to watch? Welcome to the world of decision fatigue, folks. It’s not just you – we’re all drowning in choices, and it’s wearing us out.

For the record, I love having choices in life, but there’s a point where more choices actually make us less happy, not more. I’ve recently experienced this and the side effect is “no decision”.

And this doesn’t just affect our personal lives – it’s impacting businesses and customer satisfaction in a big way.

So, what exactly is decision fatigue? Simply put, it’s the deterioration of our ability to make good decisions after a long session of decision making. It’s like a mental muscle that gets tired the more you use it.

Here’s why this matters:

  1. It leads to poor choices: When we’re mentally exhausted, we tend to either make rash decisions or avoid deciding altogether. By “rash”, I mean emotional by the way.
  2. It causes stress: Too many options can be overwhelming, leading to anxiety and dissatisfaction. Maybe not a panic attack, but that “heavy” feeling you get and it’s not nice to feel.
  3. It wastes time: When faced with too many choices, we often spend more time deciding than actually doing.
  4. It decreases satisfaction: Ironically, having more options often makes us less happy with our final choice. Have you noticed marketing efforts with only three choices for you? They typically are good, better, best. That’s it. The Human Factor™ here is that behaviors are very predictable. Fewer the choices creates more action. (decision)

Now, you might be thinking, “Okay, but what does this have to do with customer satisfaction?” Well, everything, actually. When your customers are faced with too many choices, they might:

  1. Abandon their decision to work with you altogether
  2. Take longer to make a decision, slowing down your sales process
  3. Feel less satisfied with their final choice
  4. Be less likely to make a decision at all

So, how can we combat decision fatigue and improve satisfaction, both for ourselves and our customers? Here are some easy strategies to apply today:

  1. Simplify, simplify, simplify: Whether it’s your product line or your daily routine, look for ways to reduce unnecessary choices.
  2. Categorize options: Group similar choices together. It’s easier to choose between 3 categories of 3 items each than 9 individual items.
  3. Provide recommendations: Use data or expertise to suggest the best options for specific needs. There are some people who only rely on “social proof.”
  4. Highlight differences: Make it easy to compare options by clearly showing how they differ.
  5. Offer a default option: For less important decisions, provide a smart default to save mental energy.
  6. Use the “good, better, best” approach I mentioned above: Limit options to three tiers for easier decision-making.

Here’s a personal tip: I’ve started to create “uniforms” for myself – pre-planned outfits for different types of days. You’ll often see my videos where I am wearing a white t-shirt. It’s not because I only have one outfit. It’s one less decision to make in the morning, and let me tell you, it’s liberating!

For businesses, this might mean streamlining your product offerings, simplifying your menu, or creating curated collections. Remember, your goal isn’t to limit your customers, but to make their decision-making process easier and more enjoyable.

The key is finding the sweet spot – enough choices to feel like you have options, but not so many that you’re overwhelmed. It’s about making decisions that feel like a choice, not a chore.

When you help your customers (and yourself) avoid decision fatigue, you’re not just making life easier – you’re paving the way for greater satisfaction and success.

Life’s too short to spend it all deciding which toothpaste to buy.

07 Oct
The Role of Empathy in Defusing Any Angry Situations
Brian Parsley Business, Empathy

The Role of Empathy in Defusing Any Angry Situations

Let’s talk about something we’ve all faced – dealing with angry people. Whether it’s a frustrated colleague, an upset family member, or a stranger having a bad day, anger is a part of life. But here’s the thing: how we handle these situations can make or break our relationships and even our day.

Here’s the bad news. There’s not a magic wand you can wave to make anger disappear. But there is a powerful tool at your disposal that you might not be using to its full potential: empathy.

I talk about it a lot because it’s not just a buzzword; it’s a genuine superpower in human interactions. But what does it really mean to use empathy when someone’s angry?

Empathy isn’t about agreeing with the angry person or letting them walk all over you. It’s about trying to understand where they’re coming from. It’s putting yourself in their shoes for a moment, even if those shoes are pretty uncomfortable.

Here’s why empathy is so effective in defusing anger:

  1. It disarms the angry person: When someone’s angry, they’re often expecting a fight. Responding with empathy catches them off guard – in a good way. I guess you could call that “manipulation but with good intentions”
  2. It validates their feelings: Sometimes, people just want to feel heard. Empathy says, “I hear you, and your feelings matter.”
  3. It shifts the dynamic: Empathy moves the interaction from confrontation to collaboration. You’re no longer enemies; you’re two people trying to solve a problem.
  4. It calms you down too: Focusing on understanding the other person can help you stay calm and avoid getting defensive.

So, how do you actually put empathy into practice when someone’s steaming mad? Here are some strategies:

  1. Listen actively: Put away distractions (yes, that means your phone – and putting it on vibrate doesn’t count) and really focus on what they’re saying.
  2. Acknowledge their feelings: Use phrases like “I can see why you’re frustrated” or “That sounds really challenging.” This doesn’t mean you agree with them, just that you recognize their emotions.
  3. Argue for them: When you argue from their perspective (internally of course), you gain insights you wouldn’t see otherwise.
  4. Avoid judgment: Your job isn’t to decide if their anger is justified. Focus on understanding, not evaluating. I will say, this is the most difficult strategy to master.
  5. Use “I” statements: Instead of “You’re overreacting,” try “I want to understand why this is so upsetting for you.” Or instead of saying, “I am sorry you feel that way” try “I would NEVER want you to feel that way.”

Remember, the goal isn’t to fix their problem. Often, just feeling understood can take the wind out of anger’s sails.

Here’s the bottom line: empathy is like a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it gets. And in today’s world, where misunderstandings can escalate quickly, having a strong empathy muscle can be a real game-changer.

We’re all human and we screw up. We let our emotions sometimes take control. You’ve done it and I’ve done it. So share some empathy and it’ll go a long way in making those bad days a little bit better – for everyone involved.

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