Reciprocity: The Secret Sauce in All Your Relationships

Ever wonder why that free sample at the grocery store makes you feel oddly compelled to buy the product? Or why do you feel the need to invite someone to dinner after they’ve had you over? Welcome to the world of reciprocity, folks.

Now it’s not to be confused with “guilt” or “obligation” because those are not great emotions to ever have.

It is however a powerful force in The Human Factor™, and it’s at play in pretty much all our interactions – personal and professional.

When you understand reciprocity it can be a game-changer in how you deal with people, whether it’s your customers, your colleagues, or even your family members.

In theory we all know what it means, simply put, it’s the human tendency to want to give something back when we receive something. It’s that feeling of “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” that’s hardwired into our brains.

Here’s why reciprocity is so powerful:

1. It builds trust: When we exchange favors or kindnesses, it creates a bond.
2. It encourages cooperation: People are more likely to help those who’ve helped them.
3. It creates a positive cycle: One good turn often leads to another, and another…
4. It makes interactions feel fair and balanced: Nobody likes to feel like they’re always taking and never giving.

Now, you might be thinking, “Okay, but how does this apply to my daily life?” Well, in more ways than you might realize:

In Business:

• Offering helpful advice or resources to a client before asking for their business. That’s why it’s important to give a referral not ask for one.
• Providing excellent customer service, which often leads to customer loyalty and referrals. When people feel appreciated and valued they’re more likely to recommend a friend or family member.
• Sharing knowledge with colleagues, who are then more likely to help you when you need it. The biggest mistake I see in organizations is siloing of information.

In Personal Relationships:

• Doing a favor for a friend, which often leads to them wanting to return the favor
• Giving a thoughtful gift, which can strengthen bonds and encourage reciprocal gestures
• Offering emotional support, which often results in others being there for you when you need it

But here’s the thing: reciprocity isn’t about keeping score or manipulating people. It’s about creating a culture of mutual benefit and goodwill. It’s about being generous without expectation, but also being open to receiving.

So, how can you harness the power of reciprocity in your interactions? Here are some tips:

1. Give first: Don’t wait for others to make the first move. Be proactive in offering help or kindness. Just because they didn’t recognize what you did or say “thank you” doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it again.
2. Make it personal: A personalized gesture often has more impact than a generic one. When we have guests at our home, we try to place a family photo in their room.
3. Be genuine: People can sense when you’re being authentic versus when you’re just trying to get something from them.
4. Don’t keep score: Reciprocity works best when it’s not treated like a transaction.
5. Be gracious in receiving: Allow others the pleasure of giving to you as well. This is a tough one for me because I feel the guilt set in. But don’t take away their pleasure.
6. Follow through: If you promise something, make sure you deliver. My Grandma Parsley used to say, “Your word is your bond.”
7. Recognize and appreciate: When others do something for you, acknowledge it sincerely.

Remember, reciprocity isn’t about immediate payback. It’s about creating an atmosphere of goodwill that benefits everyone in the long run. It’s like planting seeds – you might not see the results right away, but over time, you’re cultivating a garden of positive relationships.

We live in a world that can sometimes feel transactional and cold, being the person who gives first can not only improve your relationships but also make the world a little bit warmer for everyone.