There’s a pseudo science called Neuro-Linguistic Programming. This approach to communication and personal development first appeared in a book called, The Structure of Magic in 1975.
It found there is a direct relationship between neurological processes (neuro), language (linguistic) and behaviors that have been developed (programming). What was most interesting is that these can be changed to achieve specific outcomes in your life.
So how does this relate back to you? Think of it this way. Have you ever tried to communicate with someone who spoke a different language and they couldn’t understand what you wanted to say? Imagine you wanted to order a salad and ended up with BBQ instead.
This same example happens everyday in our own unconscious mind. We want to believe we are “ordering” amazing things for our lives like better relationships or amazing careers. But somehow it gets lost in translation from the conscious decision and what your mind actually hears.
I will play the devil’s advocate and present a different perspective on how you can build more meaningful relationships using NLP.
First, it’s important to remember that NLP is a set of techniques and strategies that are used to understand and influence human behavior and communication. While NLP can be a powerful tool in building rapport, it is not a silver bullet and should be used with caution.
One of the key principles of NLP is to match and mirror the communication style and body language of the person you are communicating with. This can help to establish rapport and build a connection, but it is important to avoid crossing the line into imitation or manipulation. If the other person feels like you are trying to be someone you are not, it can undermine the rapport that you are trying to build. A basic example of this is if you’re talking with someone who is sitting back with their arms crossed. You casually mirror that same body language. This may sound a bit silly, but people like people are similar. So the unconscious mind is thinking….“They are like me.”
Another NLP technique for building rapport is to use the same language patterns and terminology as the person you are communicating with. This can help to create a sense of common ground and make the other person feel understood and valued. However, it is important to be authentic and avoid using language or terminology that you are not familiar with, as this can come across as insincere. Authenticity is the key for any relationship. But like the mirroring technique this is easy to do and actually forces you to listen with more intent as well.
It is also important to remember that NLP is not a substitute for genuine interest and empathy. While NLP techniques can help to build rapport, they will not be effective if you are not truly interested in the other person and their perspective. To build genuine rapport, it is important to actively listen, show empathy, and be authentic in your interactions.
At the end of the day, NLP can be a useful tool in building new relationships and strengthening your current ones.
By matching and mirroring communication style and language patterns, using authentic language and showing genuine interest, you can build rapport and create meaningful connections with others. However, if you have nefarious intentions or are not genuine in your communication, it’s manipulation.
I am passionate about this topic and work with many students to assist them to master the art of relationships. If you have an interest in learning more, please give me a call directly.
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