Building rapport with Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)

There’s a pseudo science called Neuro-Linguistic Programming. This approach to communication and personal development first appeared in a book called, The Structure of Magic in 1975.

It found there is a direct relationship between neurological processes (neuro), language (linguistic) and behaviors that have been developed (programming). What was most interesting is that these can be changed to achieve specific outcomes in your life.

So how does this relate back to you? Think of it this way. Have you ever tried to communicate with someone who spoke a different language and they couldn’t understand what you wanted to say? Imagine you wanted to order a salad and ended up with BBQ instead.

This same example happens everyday in our own unconscious mind. We want to believe we are “ordering” amazing things for our lives like better relationships or amazing careers. But somehow it gets lost in translation from the conscious decision and what your mind actually hears.

I will play the devil’s advocate and present a different perspective on how you can build more meaningful relationships using NLP.

First, it’s important to remember that NLP is a set of techniques and strategies that are used to understand and influence human behavior and communication. While NLP can be a powerful tool in building rapport, it is not a silver bullet and should be used with caution.

One of the key principles of NLP is to match and mirror the communication style and body language of the person you are communicating with. This can help to establish rapport and build a connection, but it is important to avoid crossing the line into imitation or manipulation. If the other person feels like you are trying to be someone you are not, it can undermine the rapport that you are trying to build. A basic example of this is if you’re talking with someone who is sitting back with their arms crossed. You casually mirror that same body language. This may sound a bit silly, but people like people are similar. So the unconscious mind is thinking….“They are like me.”

Another NLP technique for building rapport is to use the same language patterns and terminology as the person you are communicating with. This can help to create a sense of common ground and make the other person feel understood and valued. However, it is important to be authentic and avoid using language or terminology that you are not familiar with, as this can come across as insincere. Authenticity is the key for any relationship. But like the mirroring technique this is easy to do and actually forces you to listen with more intent as well.

It is also important to remember that NLP is not a substitute for genuine interest and empathy. While NLP techniques can help to build rapport, they will not be effective if you are not truly interested in the other person and their perspective. To build genuine rapport, it is important to actively listen, show empathy, and be authentic in your interactions.

At the end of the day, NLP can be a useful tool in building new relationships and strengthening your current ones.

By matching and mirroring communication style and language patterns, using authentic language and showing genuine interest, you can build rapport and create meaningful connections with others. However, if you have nefarious intentions or are not genuine in your communication, it’s manipulation.

I am passionate about this topic and work with many students to assist them to master the art of relationships. If you have an interest in learning more, please give me a call directly.

How to have open and honest communication

Great communication is key to any healthy relationship, whether it be personal or professional. Oftentimes, people shy away from conflict because they believe it will lead to an argument.

However, avoiding conflict altogether can be just as harmful as arguing, if not more so. However, there are ways to communicate openly and honestly without coming across as confrontational. This isn’t a lost art, but you must have a strategy prior to your next conflict. This may seem a bit over simplified, but by speaking calmly and trying to understand the other person’s point of view, you can diffuse most situations before they escalate.

Conflict resolution doesn’t have to mean yelling and screaming. In fact, most conflicts can be resolved peacefully if both parties are willing to communicate openly and honestly. Even if the other person isn’t ready to talk calmly, if you focus on your tonality you’ll see them deescalate very quickly.

So the first step is for you to remain calm. It’s imperative not to let emotions get the better of you, as this will only make the situation worse. What are things you can do to ensure you can stay calm? One strategy is to consider how important this argument really is in the scope of your life. If this doesn’t impact you in a negative way in 20 years, is it really that important? Seriously. Consider what you’re willing to get that upset over right now. It’s called perspective and most times you’ll realize it’s just basic ego that’s getting in the way.

Once you’ve calmed down, try to see the other person’s perspective. If you can understand why they believe they’re right, you’re more likely to find common ground. Remember, everyone wants to be right—but that doesn’t mean that they are. Be open-minded and consider different points of view. Only then can you truly resolve a conflict.

Open and transparent communication is essential to any relationship—personal or professional. As we mentioned avoiding conflict might seem like the easy way out, but it can actually do more harm than good. The next time you find yourself in a situation where tempers are running high, remember to focus on you and try to see things from the other person’s point of view.

With a little understanding and patience, you’ll find most arguments are opportunities to create more meaningful relationships.

Effective Communication in the Workplace

Effective Communication in the Workplace

Good communication is essential for any workplace. But with so many different personality types, it can be difficult to find a method of communication that works for everyone. The key is to not get discouraged—effective communication is possible as long as you’re willing to adapt your approach. Here are three steps to take to ensure effective communication in the workplace.

1. Understand Your Communication Style

The first step to effective communication is understanding your own communication style. Everyone communicates differently, and it’s important to be aware of your own tendencies. Are you direct? Indirect? Do you like to have all the information before you start a discussion? Or do you prefer to wing it? Once you understand your own communication style, you can start to adapt it to fit the situation.

2. Listen actively

Listening is just as important as talking when it comes to effective communication. Active listening means being present and engaged in the conversation. It means making eye contact, nodding along, and paraphrasing what the other person has said to show that you’re comprehending and empathizing with their perspective. By practicing active listening, you can make sure that everyone feels heard and understood.

3. Avoid judgment

When approaching a conversation, it’s important to avoid judgment. This doesn’t mean refraining from offering criticism altogether—constructive feedback is important in the workplace—but it does mean approaching critique with an open mind and a willingness to see things from the other person’s perspective. If you can avoid passing judgment, you’ll find that conflicts are much easier to resolve.

Good communication is essential for a functioning workplace—but with so many different personality types, it can be difficult to find a method of communication that works for everyone.

The key is adapting your approach rather than trying to get everyone else to change theirs. By understanding this approach and keeping it top of mind and of course, practicing active listening, and avoiding judgment, you can ensure effective communication in even the most diverse workplaces.