08 Feb
Brian Parsley Fear, Personal Development

Self-Talk Danger: Taming the Voice in Your Head

Have you ever noticed that little voice in your head? The one that’s always chattering away, sometimes giving you pep talks and sometimes delivering harsh criticism? That’s your self-talk, and it has a huge impact on your life.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of Self-Talk

Your self-talk can be your best friend or your worst enemy. When it’s positive, it can boost your confidence, help you overcome challenges, and make you feel good about yourself. But when it’s negative, it can do the opposite, making you doubt yourself, feel anxious, and hold yourself back. All of this begins with questions you ask yourself. Just like Google, you’ll find the answers to the questions you ask.

Try this: Google a question like “What are the advantages of eating meat?” You’ll uncover a lot of data supporting your question. However, if you ask “What are the disadvantages of eating meat?” the same thing happens. Consider what you ask yourself when a challenge arrives in your life. Are you asking yourself, “Why does this always happen to me?” or “What can I learn from this situation?” This is why self-talk (that happens anyway) is so powerful.

Negative Self-Talk: The Inner Critic

That negative voice in your head, the one that’s always telling you you’re not good enough or that you’re going to fail, is your inner critic. It’s that part of you that’s learned to be overly critical of itself, often as a result of past experiences or beliefs.

The Dangers of Negative Self-Talk

The problem with negative self-talk is that it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you’re constantly telling yourself that you’re going to fail, you’re more likely to give up before you even try. And if you’re always putting yourself down, you’re going to have a hard time feeling good about yourself.

Harnessing the Power of Positive Self-Talk

The good news is that you can learn to control your self-talk and make it work for you instead of against you. The key is to catch yourself when you’re being negative and replace those thoughts with more positive ones.

Tips for Positive Self-Talk

Here are a few tips for developing a more positive self-talk:

  • Challenge negative thoughts: When you have a negative thought, don’t just accept it as truth. Ask yourself if it’s really true. Is there evidence to support it? Or is it just your inner critic talking?
  • Focus on the positive: Make a conscious effort to notice the good things in your life. When you catch yourself focusing on the negative, stop and switch your focus to something positive.
  • Talk to yourself like you would talk to a friend: Would you ever talk to your friend the way you talk to yourself? Be kinder to yourself and treat yourself with the same respect you would give to others.

Practice Makes Perfect

Positive self-talk takes practice. It won’t happen overnight, but the more you do it, the easier it will become. When you change the narrative, you’ll change the outcome.

07 Aug
Brian Parsley Fear, Goals, Motivation, Personal Development, Purpose

What Sets You Apart: Celebrating Your Distinctiveness

Navigating our way in a world that often values conformity, we sometimes lose sight of our individuality. We’ve all fallen into the trap of comparison at one point or another, gauging our worth against others’ achievements. But in doing so, we’re playing a losing game. Here’s the truth: you’re not designed to fit a mold. You’re designed to shatter it. What makes you unique? Let’s dive into three core factors.

1. Your Unique Experiences:

Your experiences – in business, relationships, or personal endeavors – are your fingerprints in the world. They’re distinctly yours, setting you apart from the crowd. It may not feel that way sometimes (and that’s normal), but you are unique. Look at the journey you’ve taken so far in life. One step to the left could’ve changed your life. Imagine if you decided to move to a different city than you envisioned? What if you didn’t meet your partner and built a different relationship? My point is, never underestimate the power of your uniqueness you bring.

Take Steve Jobs, for example. His unique journey of co-founding Apple, being ousted from it, starting another company (NeXT), and eventually returning to Apple to lead it to unprecedented heights, set him apart. His unique experiences, both triumphs, and failures, became his defining features in the business world.

In a relationship context, consider a couple who met, not in their teens, but in their late 70s at a community center. Their shared experience of finding love at an unexpected age and place was unique to them, a defining feature of their relationship that stood out from typical narratives.

2. Your Challenges:

The challenges you face – and how you tackle them – distinguish you significantly. The resilience, creativity, and tenacity you show when dealing with obstacles are testaments to your individuality. We all struggle with believing our issues are unique to just us or others don’t relate. Reality says something different and we can model after others who have pushed through their challenges.

Consider SpaceX’s early days. Elon Musk’s company faced three failed launches before finally achieving orbit with the fourth. The repeated failures didn’t discourage him. Instead, these challenges helped define SpaceX’s unique trajectory in the aerospace industry.

On a personal relationship level, imagine a family dealing with the challenges of long-distance relationships due to job commitments. Despite the difficulty, they found unique ways to maintain their bond – regular family video calls, shared online experiences, simultaneous movie nights – their response to the challenge set them apart from other families.

3. Your Pain:

Pain and hardship, while tough to endure, contribute significantly to your uniqueness. They deepen your perspective, instill resilience, and become a part of your personal narrative. My wife told me it’s a lot like a kidney stone. It’s painful, but it too will eventually pass. So will our pain and it’s really not about the pain anyway. It’s about the meaning you associate with it directly. Change the story and you change the narrative that goes along with it.

Take a look at Jack Ma, founder of Alibaba. Rejected from multiple jobs, including KFC, he faced numerous obstacles and failures before eventually finding success. His journey, punctuated by painful rejections and failures, set him apart and shaped Alibaba’s unique corporate ethos.

In terms of relationships, consider a couple who lost their child. Their shared pain and grief undoubtedly set them apart, but so did their healing process. They turned their heartache into action, setting up a charitable foundation in their child’s name, channeling their pain into something meaningful, a unique response that not only set them apart but also benefited others.

So, when you find yourself succumbing to the comparison game, remember: your unique experiences, the challenges you’ve faced, and even the pain you’ve endured – these are your distinctive attributes. They make you who you are, setting you apart in business, relationships, and life.

Your journey won’t align with everyone’s expectations or standards, and that’s okay. What matters is that you stay true to yourself, listening to the internal voice that champions growth and authenticity.

You’re not here to fit in – you’re here to stand out, break molds, and celebrate your uniqueness. So, keep being you. Keep being different. And remember, the world needs your unique imprint.

30 Mar
Brian Parsley Fear, Motivation

Why Fear is a Great Motivator

Fear is a normal emotion we all experience throughout our lives. It could be fear of failure, fear of the unknown, or fear of taking risks. As an entrepreneur, it’s important to embrace your fears, understand them, and use them to fuel your success.

What if I told you, fear can be a great motivator when used correctly. It’s up to you to define what fear is to you and decide whether you’ll allow it to limit your progress. I want to explore three ways you can leverage fear to achieve your goals.

One of the best outcomes of fear is its ability to help you focus.

When you’re afraid of something, it’s difficult to think about anything else. Your mind is fixated on the object of your fear, and you become hyper-focused. Instead of fighting this feeling, you can use it to your advantage.

Begin to ask deeper questions when it begins to creep in your head. What am I really afraid of? Has this happened before? What are the outcomes if I ignore versus address the fear?

Use your fear to really hone in on your goals and what you need to do to achieve them. Fear can be a great motivator to push you forward and help you stay on track.

Fear can also assist you take action faster.

When you’re afraid, it’s easy to become paralyzed and do nothing. However, it’s important to recognize that taking action in spite of your fears is one of the best ways to overcome them.

Fear can be a powerful motivator to take action and face your fears head-on. If you’re afraid of public speaking, for example, force yourself to speak in front of others until you’re comfortable.

This sounds easy in theory but it’s not. I have suffered from panic attacks most of my life. It seems simple to say “face the fear”, but unless you’ve experienced the overwhelming fear from a panic attack it’s difficult to understand why we want to avoid the pain. You could say fear has power over our actions. So, it’s important to take the emotion out of the internal head chatter. What would you say or advice you would share if that same situation happened to a friend? Detach from the outcome and focus on the process.

The more you face your fears, the less power they have over you.

Fear can actually help you grow.

Facing your fears can be uncomfortable and scary, but it’s also one of the best ways to grow and develop as a person. By pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone, you’ll learn new things about yourself and discover what you’re truly capable of. Fear is a great motivator to pursue personal and professional growth, and to achieve your goals. This is only true if you decide you’re going to look at fear as a tool and not a weapon against yourself.

So, the simple statement is fear is a great motivator when used correctly. Never let your fears limit your progress as an entrepreneur – instead, embrace them, understand them, and use them to your advantage.

By focusing on your goals, taking action, and pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone, you can use fear to achieve great things.

Remember, your definition of fear will determine your outcomes. Don’t let it hold you back!

21 Mar
Brian Parsley Fear, Success

Do You Feel Like a Fraud?

Imposter syndrome is a psychological phenomenon that affects many individuals, regardless of their background, education, or experience. It is characterized by feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and the persistent belief that one’s success is due to luck or manipulation rather than their own abilities.

Imposter syndrome isn’t recognized as a clinical disorder, but it can have a significant impact on an individual’s mental health and well-being. Those who experience it often feel like they are frauds, constantly waiting to be discovered or exposed. This can lead to increased stress levels, decreased self-esteem, and decreased motivation, all of which can contribute to decreased performance at work or in personal life.

While anyone can experience imposter syndrome, it is especially common among high-achievers and individuals in competitive fields.

It’s not uncommon for successful individuals to feel like they do not deserve their success or that they are not as competent as others perceive them to be. This can be especially true for those who have achieved success early in their careers, as they may feel like they have reached the peak of their abilities and that their future success is uncertain.

However, I look at this as a positive. You can use this feeling to push yourself to try harder and know it’s okay to have thoughts of uncertainty. By the way, if you don’t doubt yourself occasionally, you may suffer from a major issue called narcissism. I say that with tongue and cheek, but it’s true.

The fear of being discovered as an imposter can be particularly intense for some individuals, as they may feel like they have to work twice as hard as their peers to prove themselves. I struggled with this for many years because of my grades in high school. Crazy when you think about it. Something that happened decades ago that means nothing in life, but it continued to impact me for years.

While it may not be possible to completely eliminate self-doubt, there are several strategies that individuals can use to manage their symptoms and build self-confidence.

These include:

  1. Reframing negative thoughts: Individuals can challenge their negative thoughts by reframing them in a more positive light. For example, instead of thinking “I don’t deserve this promotion,” they can think “I earned this promotion through hard work and dedication.”
  2. Focusing on achievements: Individuals can keep a record of their accomplishments and remind themselves of their successes when they feel like imposters. This can help them build confidence and counteract negative thoughts.
  3. Seeking support from others: Individuals can reach out to trusted friends, family members, or a therapist for support and encouragement. Talking about their experiences can help individuals feel less alone and more understood.
  4. Practicing self-compassion: Individuals can practice self-compassion by being kind and understanding towards themselves when they make mistakes or experience setbacks. Instead of beating themselves up, they can remind themselves that everyone makes mistakes and that it is a normal part of the learning process.
  5. Celebrating successes: Individuals can celebrate their successes, no matter how small they may seem. This can help them feel more confident and less like imposters.

Just know it’s a common experience that affects many individuals. While it can have a significant impact on an individual’s well-being, focus on the strategies that can be used to manage its symptoms and build self-confidence.

At the end of the day, you’re very normal and we all struggle with most of the issues around how we view ourselves.

19 Dec
Brian Parsley Fear, Goals

Tips For Overcoming Fear And Achieving Goals

Fear is a natural emotion we all experience throughout our lives. Whether it’s fear of public speaking, fear of failure, or fear of being judged, it can be difficult to overcome. However, it’s important to remember that fear is nothing more than an obstacle to be overcome on the road to success. In fact, fear should be a sign of excitement versus panic.

Here are some tips for overcoming fear and achieving your goals.

1. Understand Your Fear

The first step to overcoming fear is to understand what it is that you’re afraid of. Once you unpack your fear, you can begin to address it and find ways to overcome it. But many times our fear is a shield for what’s underneath the surface. So really sit in the feeling when it arises. Ask yourself, “Why is this happening?” Really consider the reason for the fear. Is it real? Will you die? Or is it more emotionally driven?

2. Face Your Fear Head-On

Once you know what your fear is, it’s time to face it head-on. This may mean taking some time to do some research on your fear, separate the emotional piece and look at it from an outside perspective. The important thing is that you don’t let your fear control you; instead, you take control of your fear. You do that by not avoiding the potential pain. That’s all fear really is….your mind’s way of protecting you from physical harm. But you’re probably more concerned about your social standing and not surviving in the wild.

3. Take Small Steps

When facing your fear, it’s important to take small steps rather than try to tackle everything at once. For example, if you’re afraid of public speaking, start by speaking in front of someone you trust, such as a friend or family member. Then, gradually work your way up to larger groups. Toastmasters is a wonderful way to not just build skills, but create incredible confidence in sharing your thoughts to others. It’s in every city around the world and changed my life in a big way.

4. Persevere Through Setbacks

There will inevitably be setbacks along the way as you work to overcome your fears and achieve your goals. It’s important to persevere through these setbacks and not let them deter you from your ultimate goal. Remember that every setback is an opportunity to learn and grow so that you can eventually achieve success. After winter comes spring, but it’s a challenge to see through the cold dark nights at times. Everything will pass. Sometimes it’ll feel like a kidney stone, but it’ll pass.

Fear is a natural emotion and you don’t need to avoid it. We all experience it; however, it’s important to remember that fear is nothing more than a self produced obstacle to be overcome. Imagine next time you’re facing a fearsome task but are committed to achieving your goal, follow these tips and achieve success: understand your fear; face your fear head-on; take small steps; and persevere through setbacks.

You don’t need motivation. Just top of mind awareness and commitment. Remind yourself that whatever the fear is around you it’s worth the effort. It’s worth the risk to look foolish. Because regret is way more painful to live with than fear alone.

If you apply these strategies, you’ll overcome any obstacle and achieve anything you set your mind to!

14 Dec
Brian Parsley Fear, Public Speaking

Overcoming the Fear of Public Speaking

Are you someone who gets nervous before giving a presentation at work? The good news is you’re not alone. In fact, public speaking is one of the most common fears people have. The great news is that there are things you can do to overcome your fear of public speaking and become a confident, successful presenter.

This is so incredibly important because it allows you to transfer your ideas and thoughts to others. When you think of “public speaking” you think of large crowds, but this could be as simple as a meeting with your peers. Either way people are going to respond based on your ability to share your information and how much you appear to believe what you’re talking about.

The first step to overcoming your fear of public speaking is to join Toastmasters.

Toastmasters is an organization that provides a supportive environment where you can practice your communication and leadership skills. When you join Toastmasters, you’ll be given the opportunity to give speeches, lead meetings, and conduct presentations—all in a safe, supportive setting. With regular practice, you’ll develop the skills and confidence you need to succeed as a leader and speaker.

Another great way to overcome your fear of public speaking is to find a mentor who can help you learn the ropes. A mentor can provide guidance, support, and advice as you work to develop your skills as a speaker and leader. If you don’t know anyone who would make a good mentor, reach out to your local Toastmasters club or look for mentors online.

There are plenty of resources available to help you find the perfect mentor for your needs. In fact, you would be shocked how many people who you look up to would love to help you, but you must ask. I remember asking my “to be” mentor whom I didn’t really know except from a networking meeting many years ago to mentor me. He was the CEO of a large financial institution in Charlotte, but he was more than willing to help. In fact, I recall him saying to me no one has asked that before.

In addition to finding a mentor, it’s also helpful to study the body language and styles of great speakers. This will give you some insights into how successful speakers carry themselves and how they use their words and gestures to engage their audiences. Watching videos of great speeches is a great way to learn more about effective public speaking techniques. You will never get better in a day. It’s a day by day commitment to grow in confidence. If you feel uncertain when challenging yourself, that’s a great thing. Preparation is the key to success.

At the end of the day, if you’re looking to overcome your fear of public speaking, there are plenty of resources available to help you—you just need to know where to look. The biggest issue most people have is the willingness to get uncomfortable. Get out there and express yourself! By taking these steps, you’ll be well on your way to becoming a confident, successful presenter in no time!

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